"Be My Escape" - Relient K

I can't change the past. No one can. So, how do you go about erasing the regret you face when a past decision haunts you in your present state? 

Be the Change

I just watched a movie called, "Hello Herman". This movie really got me thinking. But, first, a quick synopsis. I can't put it any plainer than what it says on the DVD case so, here it is, word for word.

Sixteen-year-old Herman Howards makes a fateful decision. He enters his suburban school and commits a terrible act of violence. Seconds before his arrest he emails his idol, infamous journalist Lax Morales, telling him, "I want to tell my story on your show." Haunted by his own past, Morales is forced to confront the troubled teen, now an inmate with an uncertain future in this Michelle Danner-directed film that explores how and why tragedies like this can happen in our society.

I found this movie at the library yesterday and thought, "hmm, this could be interesting." And, it was. It really opened my eyes and got me thinking. Here's the big question it asks, "When, where, and how did it all go wrong?" Now, do not jump to conclusions and think that the movie is saying, "This is the reason why mass shootings in schools happen," because that is a wrong assumption. This movie only explores one of the many possibilities. This movie was made to draw awareness to an ever growing issue in today's society. However, watching the movie, my mind took a bit of a detour and took the idea a bit deeper.

I was not focused so much on the shooting or even the events leading up to it. My mind was focused on the reactions of the "movie world". I do not believe in spewing an idea or thought, without first thinking of the consequences of my words, so I shall choose my next words carefully. In the movie there is a quiet voice a midst the shouting throng, who asked this question: "A life for a life. If we all lived by that principle, what does that make the world?" (In the movie the Senator answers, "Safe, Mr. Ferguson, that's what that makes the world." To which I disagree with , whole heartedly).

It is the hardest thing asked of anyone, who is put in a situation such as this, to turn around and look their executioner in the eye and say, "I forgive you." In fact, the world would have you believe it is unnatural. They would say you were crazy. But, if no one takes that stand, what else is there to do but to continue the legacy of hatred and violence. We cannot undo what has already been done. However, we do have the power to prevent it from happening again - no, not by force or by another act of violence, that doesn't make any sense. I mean, by changing who you are, inside.

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi

Out of Context

I found me when I was with you.

I found my voice, and what I could do.

We didn't need to pretend when it was just us.

You showed me what it meant to trust.

To you, everyone I would compare,

though I shouldn't; it's unfair.

You are you, and no one else

deserves to be put aside on a shelf.

I'll be me, when I'm with you

as long as you love me, and your love is true.

It's easy to be a friend for now;

to find others while I've yet to be found.

I'll live with the thought of you, 'til I find another;

though, we'll never be through.

I know you're my past, but I'm unsure of my future.

When I look back we'll have grown further, apart.

With relief I'll sigh.

They'll believe me and not the lie.

I found me when I was with you.

Now, alone, I finally grew. 

What you say vs what others hear. Besides the spoken and written word, what else do you take "out of context"?

Smog vs Vog...on a Blog

Ugh! Don't you just hate being sick? I've got a massive headache, a sore throat, dry eyes, and a runny nose. You know, the usual symptoms. But, being stuck at home - in these four walls - is more painful than all of that combined. I never used to be sick for this long; granted its only been three days. Maybe that's the usual time frame for people who've been born and raised in the mainland, but for me, its definitely UNusual.

You know, back at home, I had to deal with the Vog - volcanic air pollution. When it got really bad, my asthma would act up. Here, it's MUCH worse. I have to deal with the Smog. And it brings more than just asthma problems (see the above list). Next time I decide to move somewhere, I'm going to make sure I'm not trapped by mountains. Here in Utah they call it "inversion". Apparently, in order to clear the air, we have to wait for a good gust of wind to blow it up and out of the valley. It's kinda gross, actually. Stuck in bed...actually, stuck on the couch...I'm kinda glad I had an excuse to stay home from work. I am in need of a serious vacation. No, not from work...from "Life". Its good to be busy when you're busy doing something you love, but everything I've been busying myself with is not really something I'd prefer doing (did that make any sense?!). I'm working on that issue....

Anywho - I'm going crazy being this sick, for this long. If I had to choose, I'd prefer the vog over the smog any day. At least it would come and go quickly. You all may think I'm being over dramatic about a mere 3-day sicknes, but like I said before, this is highly UNusual. Gotta get rid of this smog...and soon!

They were here, And so was I

Where you are, someone once was. Where you were, someone will be. 

(A Road Less traveled by Mugsy)

It's easy to face  hard times when you know you're not the only one going through it. You don't look down on yourself, as much. You accept the fact that sometimes bad things do happen to good people. And, you find it doesn't hurt your pride as much when you ask someone for help. Especially, when the person you're asking, knows exactly what you're going through.

I was never one to sit in my history class wondering what I could possibly learn from people who have long been gone. They had a story to tell, and I was always willing to listen. It helps me to view my life in a different perspective; helps me to appreciate what I have - even the struggles and hard times. Granted, not to say that it would be easier to live in one era than  another, because problems will always arise, and the people living during those times will have to find a way to push forward. Learning about how people overcame their problems - surely their solutions could be the answers to our problems as well.

We seek after books, music, videos - stories - that we can relate to. And because we do, we find our own courage to face whatever comes. We hope and pray, and have faith that all will work out, because it did for them, so why not us? Now, what reason could I possibly have to write all this? To help you see that when your stuck at the bottom of a mountain, and you can't see your way around it, REMEMBER! Someone has already left a path behind them that'll lead you to the other side. Take courage and press onward. Endure to the end, and you'll find peace of mind, heart, and spirit.

"Fol-de-rol and Fid-dle-dy Dee...

...Fid-dle-dy Fad-dle-dy Foodle. All the dreamers in the world, are dizzy in the noodle." (Cinderella, Rodgers&Hammerstein) Honestly, I'm one of those that believes if you want something bad enough, then you'll work your butt off to get it, otherwise, you could care less either way. These are a few of my "ideals" or dreams, if you will. What I desire most, cannot be explained in words, but if I had to, these are the words I would use:

My Ideal…

           

Man – Handsome; well groomed. Intelligent; a thinker. Easy to talk to, easy to understand. Arms that make me feel safe; protected. A smile that’s genuine and kind. Hard worker. Patient. Loving. He doesn’t need to be rich or refined, but instead, knows the value of earning an honest living. Caring father. The sole protector of my heart, my home, and my family.

Job – Teaching. Learning. Traveling. Singing. Dancing. Making people happy. Giving and taking in wisdom/knowledge. Giving someone a purpose; a goal. Filling someone’s day with joy. Paperwork. Good paycheck. Ringing phones. Desk. Computer. An environment welcoming to all.

Home – Location not important. Size; medium (three bedrooms, at the most. Of course, depending on the size of the family). Updated kitchen; doesn’t need to be brand new. Living room with an open space concept connected to the kitchen. Family and friends coming to visit often. Backyard; a must. A porch with a swing. 

Life – A big family. Having a job I love. Waking up next to the love of my life. Spending the day with those I love. Vacationing during those holidays people usually vacation during. And, never having to wonder, again, about what my life would’ve been like if my past had been different; better. 

Now that I've put it out there, it's time to get to work. Dreams don't happen on a whim, and they don't come true by merely wishing it. 

Shut Up and Go!

You might think I'm weird because I like watching my Korean&Japanese dramas. All I'm going to say is, even though they're cheesy and their scenarios a far reach from reality, they still have a great message hidden in every show that I've ever watched. The most recent is called: Shut Up - Let's Go (among its other names). The jist of it is about a group of guys who are from a low-class neighborhood - best friends and band mates - who are trying to find a way to survive in world where everyone believes they'll never amount to much. We often think too much; me more than anyone. Hence, the title of this blog. What we don't realize is thinking, alone, won't get us anywhere, until we do something with it. So, my motto for this New Year.....Shut Up and Go!

I'm not going to list off the things I hope to achieve this coming year, because those lists never really work out. I know they say: "Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail." But, all my plans tend to fail anyway. So, I'm not going to think about yesterday, nor am I going to worry about tomorrow. I'm going to think about today, and now. For all I know, that's all I've got left.